Waiting on our baby girl is unlike anything else I've ever experienced.
I know she's coming, and I know she's coming soon, but I have no idea when.
It's madness. Pure, unadulterated madness.
There are pressures for sure to get this child here. One, being that I'm dying to hold & kiss her. The ache to feel her sweet soft skin is so great in me it actually makes my eyes water. It's been 10 months, plus my whole life, of dreaming what her eyes will look like when they peer into mine. I want to know her personality. To know her smell. To know the shape of her lips. I want to know every little detail of her sweet self. I feel like once she's in my arms there will be nothing & no one that's going to be able to get her out of them.
Other reasons are purely logistic. Scheduling conflicts with my mom & T. She's got a plane to catch & he's got a class to take. It would be easier on us 3 if she showed her sweet self sooner, rather than this "later" business.
It's only been 3 days past my due date. 3 days is nothing compared to the mothers with two-week late tales; I realize this. But the days feel like eons. Like I'm stuck in some science fiction movie where 24 hours really equals 97 days. Or something ridiculous like that.
It's strange to think that any day now this little baby will appear and nothing will ever be the same. Our hearts forever altered. Our lives forever different. The life change feels similar to your wedding day- but then again- you plan for that day & when it comes, you sure do get married. You don't show up 3 days late. Or 2 weeks late.
This element of total surprise is what's so crazy to deal with.
The comforting thing is, she will eventually come. People have assured me that I cannot stay pregnant forever. I'm not totally sure that I believe them at this point- but you know- to remain sane in the eyes of others I probably should go ahead & trust this statement.
Two things that help in the waiting.
God knows the timing of it all,
and He's good. He loves me. He loves my baby girl.
I look at her arrival date as late & unfortunate because of my mom leaving, and T's schedule getting complicated, but God looks at it and says that it's right & good. So I trust Him. Even when I don't want to. I trust Him. Simply, because He is God. I'm sure He has things more figured out than I do.
When we lost our first baby the one verse that brought more comfort to me than any other verse was Psalm 139:16, "Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them." It was and continues to be the healing to that loss.
And now, I find great comfort in them while waiting on my baby girl.
She will arrive with her days numbered,
and she will not come one day late,
or leave one day early.
I cannot wait to kiss her.
Let it be soon, Lord.