Staying

I stumbled on this article this morning via my Twitter feed & it was so timely.  You really need to read it. Especially if you're a mom.  A new mom at that.

The other day I met one of my closest friends for coffee.  We exchanged the usual city banter, "Which coffee shop do you want to go to?" There's only about 30 within a five mile radius to choose from.  We landed ourselves at Starbucks on Rush.  We laughed as we realized we both had our first dates at this Starbucks with our husbands.

It was so special to be in that space again, with miles, and years, and memories filling up the in-between.  I thought about my 21 year old self sitting across from Taylor & smiled.  I remembered the countless nights of trekking all of my homework there with all our friends from Moody.  I could almost see T & I there, on the night he asked me to marry him, sharing a cup of coffee & calling all our loved ones to tell them the news.  I love special places.  Places that hold your story.  Being in them gives your memories four walls & a door.  Makes them touchable once more.

Sitting there with my baby was surreal.  From being the new girl from Southern California, trying to impress her crush- to the mommy of his child.   So much history in-between.   I had Ashley snap a picture of us with my phone so I could send it to T.  Our baby's first time at "our" Starbucks.

When I got to my car I pulled out my phone to look at the picture & thought, "Agh. Gross."  That's how I feel most days I come anywhere close to seeing my reflection.  I saw this picture & immediately realized the size large shirt from Old Navy was a mistake (great, I bought 3).  I saw how tired I really am.  I was reminded that teenage acne for me continues well into my late twenties, and that my hair needs so much help it's not even funny.

I put my phone away not wanting to send it to T.  It was a memory that I wanted to capture, but I felt like I missed being able to capture it because of how dissatisfied I am with how I look.  Too fat.  Too frumpy.  Too messy.  Memory captured fail.

But then I read this article. And I realized the importance of staying with her in these captured memories- no matter how I look.

So here's me & my girl.  At the Starbucks on Rush.  I'm tired, and not looking like a hottie, but I'm there.  Staying with her.  Building & keeping memories for her for when I'm long gone.