Crawling

On August 13, 2011 I wrote the following after taking this picture:

My arms & legs are weary from lifting & moving.
Climbing & pulling.
My feet are filthy from rain & dirt.
My clothes smell like wet cardboard & my hair is matted to my forehead.

And I am thankful.

After many hours of lugging boxes, 6 car loads, and enduring rain...I decided to sit.

I was alone in our new home.

And I was filled with peace.
Relief.
Joy.
Thankfulness.

I cannot tell you how long those feeling have been out of reach.

So much left to be done.
But so much peace.

And instead of continuing on, I sat.

To pray.
To thank God.
To dedicate our new home to Him.

To ask Him to fill it with repentance & forgiveness.
To fill it with joy, love, peace & laughter.

With sweet times alongside friends & family.
With meals that bless the body.
And conversations that comfort the soul.

To fill it with children from my womb.
Chubby fingers & smiles.
Blankets & toys.

To fill it with intimacy with my husband.
Slow dancing in the kitchen.
Conversations by candlelight.
And many kisses goodnight.

To fill it more than anything with Himself.
That in this home, I would learn that He is enough.
That He is enough to satisfy, even in broken dreams & shattered hearts.

I want this home to be for Him.
For His Kingdom, for His glory, for His pleasure.

I love this new home & I am so thankful for a place of rest.
God is merciful.

***

I think back to that time & where I was.  It was one of the darkest seasons of my life.  Filled with so much sadness, so much stress, and so many unknowns.  By God's grace He has held onto me & never let me go.  

Whenever I dreamed of a baby in this apartment I dreamed of chubby fingers crawling down the hallway.  When I got pregnant with Eliana it's all that kept me going somedays through the terrors of that pregnancy.  
This morning she came tumbling around the corner.  With her dimple-ie, chubby-to-me fingers, and my heart stopped a little bit.  

I'm really thankful for her.