Never before has someone weaved themselves so thoroughly into every crevice of my heart & mind.
It's so different with your spouse.
You love them.
But there's a sense of independence even amongst the oneness you share.
An adult & child.
That probably sounds like I'm lying- but take it for what it's worth.
At every stage of being Ellie's mom I've had previous notions completely shattered. The majority of my "working years" were spent with children and their parents. So I had opinions on the matter.
I don't have opinions on the matter anymore.
I kid, I kid.
Ohhhhhh so that's why parents always acted this way.
Ohhhh so that's why moms look like that.
Ohh so that's why their houses look like this.
It's been humbling & enlightening.
She makes me want to be better. In every aspect of my life. Things you wouldn't think a child would impact- they do. I look at her and I want to not be a hypocrite more than ever before. To walk the line that I preach. To be a women of character. A women she can depend on. A women she can trust.
Which is why I said previously that we just need a heaping spoonful of grace by the hour over here.
The Lord has taught me a lot through other mothers this last year, and for that I am so grateful. Moms have the ability to be very discouraging or very encouraging. It's a hard enough battle without the condescending looks from other moms. Without the snarky comments. Without the judgments.
I'm so thankful for the moms at Target who aren't shooting me daggers with their eyes because my kid is fussing. I'm thankful for the parents who try to help you. That offer a helping hand when you're flying alone, or trying to load up your groceries. I know there a lot of mean moms out there- but I think the nice moms are winning. I know a lot of them personally and they just look at me with compassionate eyes as my kid steals my straw out of my cup & I drop my soda all over the floor.
I feel like lately I hold my opinions more loosely. More quietly. Not everyone needs to know what I think about every topic on motherhood. Because honestly I'm just winging it. With God's Word as my foundation & His Holy Spirit as my guide- we are literally learning as we go. Sure I still have opinions. Convictions. But I don't need to flash them around or shove them in people's faces. There's so much going on behind closed doors- so much to the story that we don't see.
The last few nights I've been reading parenting books into the early morning hours because I am just lost on some stuff. Calling other friends who are moms and asking them every question I can think of.
None of us have it together. It's scary to admit it at first, but then it's just super liberating.