We were here

Most nights I lay down with Ellie and rub her back & we talk before she goes to bed.  It's always one of the hardest things to drag myself out of her cozy bed where I've half fallen asleep (at 7:30 pm mind you) to a messy downstairs & a slew of chores waiting for me.  Most nights I resent it if I'm honest.  I'm tired and I worked all day and have nothing to show for it.  I work most nights after I finish cleaning everything up which just makes the evenings seem that much harder to face.  

Tonight though I was struck that our home- while messy and unkempt- shows that we were here. And it made me cry.  

This year I've seen grief & death up close in a number of ways.  I lost my Grandmother earlier this spring.  My Uncle just passed away this week.  A family I love lost their 14 year old son.  It's been heavy on my mind and heart- how fragile and important each day is.  

There are dirty dishes because my people were fed.  And there is laundry that never ends because we've been given more than enough to keep us clothed.  There's garden beds full of weeds and full of flowers. Books to be read.  Pillows to be tossed about between brother & sister. Remnants of our day spent together.  Little reminders of the little people who are here.  Tonight it was all so beautiful to me.  And so I grabbed my camera because that's what fills me up.  

I want to be the kind of woman that understands what the most important things are.  And this simple thought- that we were here- is teaching me to be content in a way I've always struggled to do.  My home will never be perfect and my work here will never be done- what a gift that actually is.